There’s a myth that leaving orthodoxy leads to a miserable life, so it can be common for those who are transitioning to feel pressure to prove that narrative wrong, that life is great and we’re happier than ever. And that can be true, at times. But everyone has bad days, and when hard times hit sometimes there’s an impulse to hide it given that false narrative about those who transition. Sometimes it’s also hard to let go of the shame we internalized from our more orthodox days that we’re being punished: even if perhaps on an intellectual level we understand that’s not true, emotionally it can be difficult to let go of that nagging fear. Join Kristy and Steph Lauritzen as we talk through these emotions. Steph vulnerably shares about how she coped with postpartum anxiety and depression, how she and her husband are thriving in a mixed faith marriage and dealt with expectations onlookers had about what would happen to her and their marriage once she left the church.
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Really enjoyed this one and had to sit with it a bit. Steph is a MoFem pal who I’ve been lucky enough to meet a few times, exchange emails with, and even take out to tea when she visited London where I live. Her Pants action was a watershed moment for me personally (among so many others) and I feel really happy to know her even a bit.
As I transitioned out of Mormonism (culminating with a very public op ed which is how my family found out about my decision–pro tip, start smaller…) this idea of confronting the orthodox narrative for apostates has been one of the most frustrating things to learn to deal with. I am deeply aware that there is little I can say or do to change someone’s opinion of me, my life, or my decisions, but I feel a need to try or a vexation when I fail.
Recently a loved one wrote me a letter that was written with love and well meaning…and I found so upsetting. It was a call to repentance, an attempt to be deeply honest, and a love letter all rolled into one and I am grateful this person was able to share their thoughts with me. But the entire letter was written from the premise that this person “knew” I was unhappy. And I’m not. I am at an utter loss as to how I can confront the narrative of orthodoxy that the church is the only way to true happiness and so, having chosen differently, I must of necessity be unhappy. I have to learn a bit more every day how to care less about the opinions of people whose opinions I actually care a lot about…it’s a conflicting space to be in.
Long story short, thanks for a very vulnerable piece from a very brave person who seems to be a bit further along in the process than me. Today at least.
god bless you..you are free of the cult and so am i. there is nothing true about the lds church.the inter net has helped millions of us get the truth anjd get out..if the info on the net was not true the church lawyers would sue and have it removed,but tney cant because it is the truth