For many, deciding what to do about garments can be one of the most challenging parts of a Mormon Transition into unorthodoxy, especially in the early stages. Body image issues can be common, as well as keeping them in the closet, under the bed, or wear clothes that are garment-ready when in public. You’re not alone, and if you’re experiencing issues with garments, have a listen while Kate Kelly and Kristy talk about this phenomenon. Kate also details very personal experiences about her garment shift vis-a-vis her excommunication, and, as you always can expect, her unfiltered opinions.
Content warning: If you’re happy with your garment wearing, this probably isn’t the episode for you. Also, language warning (Kate dropped the F-bomb once, I know better than to tell my friend what to say/do). And finally, this list might help in terms of links and more practical tools for underwear shopping post-orthodoxy.
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It would be nice if every clothing store along the Wasatch Front hired a “Transitioning Mormon consultant” in their underwear section. Until that idea catches on, here are some suggestions crowdscourced from clients in similar situations (shared with permission):
Disclaimer: I do not work for nor know/am related to anyone who sells these alternatives. This is simply the list many wish they’d had when they’re navigating post-orthodoxy and garments, if it’s been awhile:
General Guidelines:
- 100% cotton is most breathable and reduces risks of infections (yeast, UTI), for everyday wear especially. Silk and lace tend to reduce underwear lines and folks like them for special occasions, but you can buy regular cotton ones that are seamless too, or mostly cotton lasar cut type.
- Target, Walmart, Costco/Sams Club have better prices and big selections, tend to last longer, Nordstrom/Sears/Victorias Secret etc have pricier but more for special occasions.
- It’s important to get fitted for bras, Victorias Secret will do so for free for instance. When you wear garments, over/under bras, the fit is very different from skin-to-skin. Finding out your true size for ultimate comfort is pretty crucial and often we don’t think to do this for ourselves. Self-care is important.
- To prevent thigh rubbing*: Jockie Skimmies , biker shorts
*For some, the initially chafing from inner thigh skin rubbing (for example, skirts, dresses that bottom garments were usually there for) diminishes over time as your skin gets used to skin-on-skin contact, though initially it may be raw from being used to material there. Depends on the body, perhaps try with regular panties for awhile in case your skin will get used to it. If not, the above products work great as alternatives that cover inner thighs.
If you’re a Costco Shopper:
- Champion brand boxer briefs
- White Kirkland T shirts are a nice, higher-quality substitute for what men may have been used to
Adidas Sport Climalite Boxer Briefs
If the symbols are important to you, you can have iron-on label transfers. Also, I have met some for whom wearing the symbols on jewelry or in a locket are meaningful for them. Or you can sew them on yourself with plain thread.
In Part II of the interview, John reads 3 letters he wrote at key moments in gay Mormon history: Nov 5, the date of the exclusion policy, when Russell M. Nelson declared the policy a revelation, and when David Bednar declared “there are no homosexuals in the church.” These letters are soul-stirring and a must-listen for every Mormon, my friend John is a beacon of hope.
For part I, listen here.
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John Bonner, a counselor in SLC, tells his story of realizing he is gay, his struggle to change himself on his mission, and his self-acceptance and celebration as he undergoes his own faith transition. We talk about messy faith crises, boundaries with family, and in part 2 John reads 3 letters he wrote at key moments in gay Mormon history: Nov 5, the date of the exclusion policy, when Russell M. Nelson declared the policy a revelation, and when David Bednar declared “there are no homosexuals in the church.” These letters are soul-stirring and a must-listen for every Mormon, my friend John is a beacon of hope.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download