“Once you label me, you negate me” Soren Kierkegaard
A few years ago, I was visiting Jerusalem with my wife. We were on a Mediterranean cruise that had a 2-day stopover in Israel. While we were there we signed up to do several guided tours of the city. On one of the days, we planned to visit all the major tourist sites in and around Jerusalem. At the time, I didn’t know that certain parts of the country were under Palestinian control and others under Israeli control. Several hours into our tour, our Jewish tour guide informed us that we were going to be entering Bethlehem, a Palestinian town, and he would not be able to join us. For hours, we had been enjoying his insight and knowledge of each of the places we visited and he was always giving us the “Jewish perspective”. Once we arrived at the massive walls that surround Bethlehem, it felt like we were walking into a large prison. We passed through security and suddenly we were inside Bethlehem and there was a new bus with a new tour guide. Once we all got on the bus, our new tour guide started to introduce himself and tell us a little bit about Bethlehem. During the introductions, someone brought up that our other tour guide was Jewish and had to wait for us outside the walls, then this person asked our tour guide, “so, what are you?” Our tour guide paused and said “what do you mean?”, The person said, “what do you believe?” Our tour guide laughed and smiled, then he said, “I am a human being, who lives in Bethlehem. What are you?” The message was very clear and no one asked him about his beliefs after that. This experience has stuck with me ever since. I really appreciated his response and I’ve tried to have that same attitude in my own life. “What am I? A human being who lives in Kamas. That’s it!” Nothing more, nothing less.
One of my favorite Buddhist concepts is the concept of “emptiness”. It’s a central teaching in Buddhism and yet it’s often misunderstood. Emptiness does not mean nothingness. It essentially means that “labels” or “concepts” are empty because they don’t exist in and of themselves. They are not nouns, they are adjectives! They can be used to describe how we are but never who/what we are. Think about an object like a car, you can have a red car, but the noun is the car and “red” is simply the adjective that describes the car. In this case, “red” is an example of emptiness. You can’t have a noun that is “red car”, you can only have “car”. Humans are the same, we can only be one thing, human! Any label we add to that can be used to describe but never to define.
Consider the way we use labels in our society: I’m a Republican, I’m a Democrat, I’m a Mormon, I’m an Atheist, I’m Smart, I’m Dumb, etc… we use labels as if they were permanent “things” that make us who we are. We inherit genetics from our parents, beliefs and ideas from our family and society, and while these things can form a part of HOW we are, they are not WHAT we are. The problem with our labels is how we use them: as nouns instead of adjectives. When we use labels like “I’m a Mormon / I’m an ex-Mormon / I’m inactive” as nouns, they separate us from everything that is not that label, labels divide and separate. Now consider the label “I’m a Mormon / I’m an ex-Mormon / I’m inactive” as adjectives, it becomes about how we are in life and not what we are. The reality is that no matter how hard I try, I can’t “be” a Mormon, or a Christian, or an anything, because those aren’t “things” to be. We already are something; we’re human. When we learn to view our own labels and perhaps more importantly, the labels we assign to others as adjectives instead of nouns, it will be like talking to someone and realizing that “I am wearing a blue shirt” and “you are wearing a red shirt” but the color of our shirts doesn’t make us who we are, it’s just part of how we are right now at this specific moment in time. Give it a try…Try to start viewing labels (yours and others) as adjectives rather than nouns and see how that changes the way you view yourself and others. How else can labels be detrimental? Share your comments below.
Excellent article Noah. I’ve had family members how I define myself now. Perfect response!
Thank you!
Thanks for this article. I struggle with attaching Mormonism or non-Mormonism to my identity. For those who don’t know I’ve left, do I volunteer it? I still don’t know the answer, but this article has helped me recognize that as long as I’m a person, I belong and leave myself open to be a connected part of the whole human family. Thank-you Noah!
One thing I’ve learned in my transition is that judging and labelling puts a box around people. It puts them in a neat little package for us, allowing us to apply packing tape and orderly file them on a shelf in a spot coinciding with the type of punishment/reward that God will dispense in the end to make all things right.
When we allow things to to just be; be without applying our own closure or finality to them, we don’t pass accountability on to God but leave that relationship open, applying the grace of non-judgement to transform ourselves and others.
Thanks for commenting! I love what you said about how judging and labelling is like putting people into neat little packages. It’s so natural for us to classify people into groups, especially the us vs them groups. I just watched an episode of “The Brain with Brian Eagleman” on PBS titles “Why do I need you?” It was a fascinating insight into the neurological reasons for how and why we connect into groups. You should check it out. It’s streaming for free on PBS.com
absolutely fascinating view… “Why do I need you”. Certainly the haptic senses have a memory of their own. Thanks for sharing. Definitely interesting if you have any experience with the character disordered.
Noah,
Thank you for this thoughtful and thought provoking piece about how we instinctively label — ourselves and others.
Ten days ago, I must admit that amidst anger and a lot of sadness, I had allowed the policy pronouncement of the LDS church to distract me from a peaceful, purposeful journey of life. Without shame, they nailed up in the figurative town square and audacious statement of bigotry and prejudice. I as a gay man, had allowed their epithets comparing my station in life among: felons, criminals, perverts and apostates. ( perfect example of labeling). Yet none of it is true. We as individuals often take on personal shame for things we have not created, done or deserve. We do it to ourselves.
I share something that I am reticent to do, simply because it is personal. Last night I had an opportunity to give testimony in front of a city council, to allow a local non-profit facility the In Between, to provide hospice services for dying, homeless individual to be able to pass with some love, care and dignity. There were many others there who testified in support of it. Mine was one humble testimony. I have been involved in service to help many local needs, including for the homeless, and victims of sexual assault. I’m amazed at the view that some people take of LGBT people as self centered and partiers. It’s not true. We like you, have normal, boring lives. We too, are passionate about being good citizens and helping cause good changes in our communities.
Guilt is caused by actions we have committed or have failed to do. Shame is what we do to ourselves — we allow it.
I now laugh at a familiar LDS church hymn which is sung regularly in worship services. It has a line which talks about mankind, “marshaled in their ranks of sin.” It is comical to me now that I have perspective that no one has the right to self-righteously denigrate a neighbor or fellow traveller on the road of life.
I love your idea that, “Emptiness does not mean nothingness.” Emptiness to me means, a clean calm of spirit and purpose that is open to enlightenment.
It has now been 10 days since the policy ‘leak’. I am in a much calmer spot in life. Realizing that my personal relationship with a loving God and His Son, cannot be taken from me. No institution can insert itself between you and God, and cannot insert itself into your domestic life, unless you allow it. And certainly not between you and family or friends.
Many beautiful acts of kindness and expressions of love have come forth over the past 10 days between average people. These are well meaning people who have hearts and progressive minds. They refuse to label friends and neighbors. It has been mutual.
Their example and authenticity is is one of my daily gratitudes.
Thanks for this piece. Namaste.
“We as individuals often take on personal shame for things we have not created, done or deserve.” Well said, Doug. This is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that I have lived through due to my generous and kind nature. The guilt receptor of the brain is very large in children of pre-skitzophrenic station. In my life, I have been a scapegoat frequently because I am prone to empathy and camaraderie. The truth is that all shame belongs to the cheaters. I hope that other people do not ride the lds narcissistic train to the very last station, as I have in my life. It has been painful for me too. I hope that you keep up your work of service and good deeds. We pave a path to true virtue when we accept a more realistic ‘reality’ and when we maintain beneficent authorship of our own lives. Blessings!